In honor of the 2 year anniversary of La Vida Loza, I’ve decided to do a throwback post to a visit I made to the Carlsbad flower fields a couple of years ago (when I first started this blog). As is life, everything looks easy when you’re not the one doing it…until you get in there and do it for yourself. That was the case for me when starting this blog. You quickly learn that so much more goes into it than you were expecting. I’m embarrassed to admit that I used to think, “how hard could this be?” – only to find out that I’d soon be eating my own words. I’d like to think I’m above that way of thinking (especially when some people believe since I design dresses, I can instantly whip up a gown up in an evening *insert scowling emoji*), but I’m human and have fallen victim to thinking that way at times too.
The purpose for me creating this blog, other than for promotional reasons, was also to use it as a creative outlet to showcase my personal style, the custom items I make for myself, and to eventually show the custom gowns and dresses that I make for others as well. It’s been great in that sense – the creative aspect of it – especially these past few months. I love, love putting outfits together. I love the process – designing the dresses I make for the blog, fabric shopping, planning the looks I want to style and shoot, thinking about where I’m going to shoot everything, and writing. Writing is something I’ve always loved and haven’t done much since college. Albeit time consuming, I love how all of this comes together. I mean, I have to buy clothes for myself anyway, may as well share where I purchased them in case you like them as well. I don’t have a “mainstream” body, so I find that it’s helpful to some when I am able to inform you on what fits well, what doesn’t, and what is worth the buy. I seem to have finally found a little groove to all of this, but I also make notes to try and improve where I can.
I’m trying to pick up as much as I can about photography as well. I’m a curious person by nature and love learning new things, so this whole experience has been a perfect fit for me. In most cases I’m just winging it, but through trial and error I’ve learned a teensy, tiny bit here and there about lighting, angles, and smizing, of course! Totally kicking myself for not taking a photography class in college (that and some web design classes…ugh!).
This experience did start off with some bumps though. When I first started, I wanted everything perfect. Thinking back, I put way too much pressure on myself to make everything perfect from the get-go, when truth be told, I think perfection can be SO boring. This is one of the reasons why it was probably hard for me to be consistent (that, and you know, work that needed to come first). The pressure I placed on myself of wanting to have something perfect, was in itself its own creative roadblock. So much so that I took almost a year off from blogging (wait, so does that mean that my blog should really only be like a year old?)
That combined with this new pressure that my generation didn’t have to deal with growing up – the pressure of looking perfect in pictures. Now, before I continue, I have to say that for the better part of my life I’ve been pretty good at ignoring anybody’s opinion of my own body. Based on my own observations, I’ve noticed that people will form an opinion of another person’s body based on how they themselves were raised to believe they should look. Well, what you were raised to believe about how you should look is your own personal belief (or your own personal insecurity). So when you start criticizing another person, you are just projecting your own insecurities. Thus, your opinions (caused by the insecurities you were raised with) don’t carry a higher value than my own opinions of my own body.
With that said, I had a few months where I was beating myself up for gaining some weight. I noticed it in pictures when I would start editing them – oh, side note: pro cameras also make you look bigger, so that doesn’t help — oh, another side note: I don’t think it’s “normal” constantly having to look at ourselves so much. When you’re editing down pics, you’re looking at so many pictures of yourself at various angles, so it’s easy to start knocking yourself down for every little imperfection, especially if you put pressure on yourself to try and make something perfect. The funny thing about beating myself up about that weigh gain (which wasn’t even that much to begin with), is that I look back now at these pics from that visit to the flower fields, and I don’t even notice it *slapping myself on the face emoji* – and I think I may have gained like 5-10 more pounds since then (don’t judge me – I traveled to the South about 5 times within an 11 month period, so I HAD to try ALL the yummy Southern food – this weight was earned – and it will go away…eventually).
This dress was designed with the intention of selling it in my Etsy shop, and even though I never posted these pictures, I’m glad I had them on hand to go back to for reference. I’m just going to re-work the design a little – I might want the cross-back to be one continuous piece now…we’ll see. I’m pretty sure these booties are still available in stores (good thing I love classics)…and they’re also SUPER comfortable and can be worn with so many pieces.
Without trying to sound like an IG post (but sounding like an IG post), focusing on the negatives only led to more negatives. So when I re-started the blog I promised myself that I would just do me, like I have always done, and be much kinder to myself as well. What you see is what you get, flaws, tummy rolls, and all. Needless to say, it has been a lot more fun doing this blog since then. So as long as this continues to be fun, I will find new content to post, continue to design dresses for my blog posts (and some to put in my Etsy shop!), and just have a good time – cause I love me some fun!
Dress: custom-made by me, Hat: purchased in a little shop in Eagle Rock, CA, Bag: Rebecca Minkoff – Julian Backpack (mine has fringe and it’s a couple years old, but this one is the non-fringe version – comes in many colors), Shoes: Sam Edelman ‘Petty’ Chelsea Boot (currently on sale!), Sunglasses: Ray-Ban Large Original 62mm Aviator Sunglasses